Thoughts on Mortality

My 7 year old son told me that I was not immortal yesterday.  I think he thought that was going to be big news to me.  But in fact, I have known that someday my physcial body will expire and I will be released into glory.  Of late, I have thought about mortality a lot.  It seems many people around me are fighting battles with the wear and tear that happens to your physical form.  Some of the battles are more aggressive than others.  Some are nearly transparent. Many are battling cancer and cancer is winning (like it generally does). 

My father has cancer.  And when I say that I automatically tear up.  His fight is one that is transparent.  So easy right now that I often forget he has it.  His prognosis is good, and he is healthy.  But when I say that word I have to face the mortality of one of my rocks.  My dad is a great dad! He screws up and does things wrong and hurts my feelings and loves me all together.  He loves the Lord and he taught me to love Him too.  He has faith and hope and courage and anger and maybe even regret.  And no place on this planet will ever smell, feel or comfort like his arms.  When I got divorced, I didnt see him for nearly 18 months.  And all the pain that went with letting go of my former marriage dissolved with his 1st hug when he saw me.  He is my first hero and my first love. And today he is winning his battle with cancer.

Jean is the mother of one of my favorite people in the world.  Her daughter Meg brings life into dark meetings at work and makes me smile in spite of myself.  She is bright and brilliant and wonderful.  Her mother has cancer.  I can't say that without shedding tears.  Her mother's cancer is winning and for the last week or more Meg has been by her mother's side to watch her pass out of this life and into another.  How do you provide comfort for that.  How do you say good-bye to the woman who carried you into the world and taught you to be brave when you scraped your knee and  fearless when the boy you liked, liked someone else. Mortality...it is hard to face!  It is hard to understand...why would a loving God place us here for a finite amount of time and let us grow so attached emotionally to each other.

We think it is an issue that comes at us with age...as we face our own mortality...but my 5 year old worries about his.   He worries he will be left alone...just him and Karl and who will love him if we are all gone?  I think that is the heart of the issue of dying...who will love us like the one we are losing.  Who will fill that void? 

I believe the void is what makes us above the animals.  The fact that it is not something we can fill, not something we can heal, not something we can fix....it is what makes us human.  And in being human we have the greatest gitf of all...the capacity to know pain is the final pathway of love and to chose love anyway!