A little expectation, a lot of disappointment

It was cold and snowy towards the end of winter in Boulder, Colorado. We were an active family so a trip sledding down the hill at Scott Carpenter Park or a building a snowman after a good snow was not unfamiliar but this time was different. We lived in the parsonage on the church grounds where my father was the associate pastor. That left us with an open parking lot 6 days a week to use as our own racetrack for our bikes or a good game of tag. But it also left us with a great snow surfing arena. What you have never heard of snow surfing - riding on a sled disc while being towed by a car - what a rush! Maybe not the safest activity my dad ever supported but definitely great fun. We had been out riding the snow for a couple of hours and darkness had settled in so that Dad couldn't see us anymore which made surfing too dangerous even for my dad. But we weren't to worried as he promised we could enjoy more time in the 6 inches of fresh powder in the morning. As I drifted off to sleep that night the expectation of more sledding made for great dreams...but as the light of dawn came shining through - we were in for a bit of disappointment. One of the great mysteries of Boulder is the Shinook wind. A warm and dry wind that sweeps down from the foothills and pushes away all the snow. Where just the night before had been 6 inches of beautifully glistening snowflakes was now a dry and hard blacktop. There was never more snow surfing for the Robbins clan after that because God moved us from Colorado to Idaho and Arizona and probably because my dad decided it might not be the safest way to sled. It was disappointing. And as you can tell from my recollection the memory is still vivid. Expectations are like that - they are tiny - the anticipation of a special event, the response of a loved one to your story, a phone call after a great interview. Little thoughts that aren't even thoughts - just things we take for granted will happen until they don't. As children we learn that missed expectations are part of an unfair world and that disappointment must be accepted as part of life. As adults we find that unmet expectations lead to anger, resentment, arguments, strife, divorce, lost employment and a barrage of other maladies. But at the heart of the issue is not the disappointment or the unmet expectation or often even the expectation itself, the heart of the issue is often the communication or lack thereof around the expectation. Communication is paramount to resolving our expectation disappointment issues. If we are not communicating what we want to people then there is no way that we won't suffer from disappointment and disillusionment. imagine walking into your local fast food chain and ordering a burger. you expect that they will make it just your way -after all that is there slogan. But if you don't tell them to hold the onion and add extra pickle you will be disappointed. If ordering food requires specific explanation of your expectation how much more so does parenting, work and marriage.

a series on expectations

Lately I have been giving a lot of thought to the idea of expectations. After all we all have them. Whether they are about our relationships, jobs, health, or even our children nobody is immune to having expectations of themselves, others and situations or being at the mercy of someone else's expectation. When an expectation isn't met it can pierce our emotional armor and leave us wounded. So if we are all subject to them and affected by them then how we communicate them and deal with them becomes paramount to how healthy we are in the long term.

I want to take a serious look at how expectations infiltrate all areas of our lives. Stay tuned to read about what I think God says about expectations and what problems occur when we are not living with healthy ones.