Joint parenting plans

I was reading last night that the hardest part of being divorced is looking past your own feelings toward your spouse and seeing what is best for your kids.  The article talked in limited detail about making a joint parenting plan, all that is well and good when both parties are able to be parents.  I am not saying that my ex can't be a parent, I am just saying I don't think he can sustain it.  He has a child from a previous marriage and while he has grown a lot as a parent with our boys he still leaves a great deal to be desired.  For that matter as a mother I probably do as well.

So if neither of us is a perfet parent, and we have some pretty hostile feelings toward each other how do we create a joint parenting plan that works for the kids.  I would say ask them but courts don't think that they know yet what they want or need.  I beg to differ.  Of course you knew I would, or else I would not be writing. 

My 8 year old has known for years what he wants.  Sure he sometimes doesn't want to take a shower or would prefer to eat sugary sweets than vegetables and sometimes he needs a nudge in the right direction.  He is after all just like you and me in minature.  So why shouldn't his opinion count?  I mean after all he is the one who has to have two bedrooms, two sets of toys, two sets of rules and two different schedules.  It would seem that joint parenting plan should include a child preference section.  One that says..."hey Dad, I do love spending weekends with you but I don't want to come home with you not even just for a night after cub scouts."  Oh wait, he has already told his dad that.  Many times when he could have gone to Dad he wanted to come home. It isn't about who is the better parent. It is not a competition between us, it is a  puzzle of what is best for each child.  And each child needs his own individaulized joint parenting plan.  so what am I going to do now that their dad seems to want them back for a week at a time...i guess i am going to just trust that God will fix it.  Hoping that each of them is comfortable enough with both Dad and me to say what they need to say and that in the end my brilliat children don't end up less brilliant, less excited and more cynical for all the transition they have to go through.

And maybe if everything is working out for me their Dad won't find an apartment he can rent for a week at a time and he won't try this ridiculous change that means nothing but pain for the boys.  And maybe just maybe someday I will get to where I know when his threats are idle and when they are more.

Sweet Summertime

Summer is winding down at my house and for the first time since my childhood I am sorry to see it go.  For the longest time the end of summer meant the return to my classroom and the new batch of faces and lives I was devoted to changing.  Now there is no classroom and the end of summer takes the two faces I treasure most and puts them back in school.  While I am blessed to be able to visit them in class and to spend countless hours with them at home, I know that the summers like this one will rapidly vanish into summers of chasing and catching girls, part-time jobs and less time for snuggling with mom. 

This summer was full of adventure, achievement, laughter and butterfly kisses.  We watched each other compete in the swimming pool and set new personal records.  We all jumped and kicked our way through forms and sparring and karate tournaments.  We explored the ruins of the Alamo and the heights of the Tower of the Americas.  We swam and dove and rode slides and played with friends.  And at the end of each glorious day I am granted a moment to watch them both and remember that they are the restoration of the bad choices I made and the healing redemptive work of God my Father.  I am so blessed to have them and so blessed to be the one God trusted to help them grow.  They are my heart and as school prepares to start again, I feel a bit of my heart is ripping out to join them as they walk the halls of their school, learn new things in its classroom and grow just a few steps closer to manhood.