Silence is not easy to come by in my world. It is so busy and loud. Have you ever lived with boys - they don't do quiet. I mean they sleep and that is quiet but otherwise we rock. Balls bouncing, computers beeping and the dryer always tumbling. Add in three dogs and a busy street that promotes those deep growls and howls of protecting the house and it can be overwhelming. Did I mention in work in a field that is almost exclusively men and by default requires hearing protection. Life is full of noise. It can drown out everything. If you aren't careful it can make quiet so very uncomfortable.
But in reality, I cherish my quiet times. I get them at 430 every morning as the dogs chew rawhide and I spend time in the Word. I get them at 10 every evening when I sit and journal through my day and ask God to prepare me to sleep and do it all again the next day. Those times are good and the quiet is sanity and peace but I don't do real silence. I remember growing up and my dad would disappear for a day. You may remember that I am a pastor's kid so my dad being home often was one of the perks or at least he was across the street at the church and we could go find him. But every once in a while he would just be gone. In my childhood, I couldn't understand how anyone would want to go to the mountains alone and be quiet for a whole day. (Did I mention my dad's theme song for me was "You talk too much."). But as I have grown I have learned that times of peace and stillness that have no noise are precious.
When I met my husband Tom he was preparing for a marathon. I asked him once what he thought about during his 12 and 15 mile runs. He said he didn't think, he just listened. What craziness. How could one just listen? and What could you possibly hear over the beat of your heart in your chest? I didn't get it. Silence is tough for me but it is so necessary. We hear so much in our world that sounds so good and so like God but when you stop to really let it have space and time it just isn't Him. The idea of space is used a lot by our circle of friends. They will say things like give that some space in your life Angela. See what God might have for you there. And I am having to practice this. It can be uncomfortable but rewarding. I recently spent about two hours just sitting in my office. My computer was off, there was no praise music on Pandora in the background. It was just me. Surprisingly, I didn't fall asleep. I didn't get bored or lose my mind. I heard maybe for the first time ever, I really heard. I'm not ready to share what I heard but I am sure as I give it space to breathe God will cement it for me and I can share it but for now it is the sweet whispers of my Father in the midst of the daily rush. And you know what I can't wait to sit again and listen. I want to be able to hear His voice and know it it him like I know the cries and laughs of my boys. You can't identify those voice you aren't listening for and you may find you think that voice is God when it isn't. So I am going to practice quiet and space and listening. I need a little quiet so shh please I am busy listening.
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